Funny thing is

I know that we want the same things but I don't know if I'm past the betrayal. It was hard enough to get over the hurt which I managed to do but I can't say that I'm still not a little scorned. I trusted you more than I've trusted anyone and you not only let me down, you let me crash and burn....and then later you followed suit in your own trail of flames. Its hard to say if I'll ever be able to get past it as much as I'd like to. But its kind of hard to heal in such an infectious place.

This zone I reside in currently is not ideal. Its full of uncertainty, lies, deception, and people out to use/hurt/abuse you for their own selfish reasons. But somehow in the midst of it all I still manage to find a few prospects. Although they never seem to last.

I used to think my expectations were too high but then I remembered you. And how you wined and dined me regularly and how much you invested in me. Which is hindsight only confuses me more seeing as how you played so many games with my mind and heart that only a shell of a person remained. Funny how you were everything I wanted and everything I hated at the same time. I don't know how you managed to be this great contradiction in my life, my world, my heart. I don't know why I even entertain these notions when my senses have already entered a response to this query floating in my head.

I try so hard to not sound so tormented but its very hard because the fact is my fish are not swimming in the harmony right now and the water is so turbulent. While inside I'm screaming for balance, I know that's a long way off. That is, if I continue to dissuade myself from you. This is not an easy life.

This should be a testament to all for the things you do come with consequence. Consequences you may not want to or be willing to live with........I don't know where I'm going with this so I'm just going to leave it here.