I've been on this planet 29 years so far and began living life at a very early age. I had to mature faster than most my age and that leaves me in a lonely "learn for yourself" spot in a lot of cases. But here's a few things that I've learned that can hopefully help someone else to not make the same mistakes I've made.
First, when your mind says leave and your heart says stay...LEAVE! Your mind is more rational and while your heart is more impulsive and optimistic in the most grim situations. A lot of times, your heart is the reason for your demise because your emotions outweighed your common sense. God gave you common sense for one reason and one reason only. TO USE IT! So don't ignore those warning signs that are blaring in bright red lights. You'll save yourself some time, major depression, and heartache.
It's easy to blame others for hurting you but you have to be accountable for how you let others affect you as well. You can't simply place the blame on someone for being who they are and doing what they normally do if you knew and stayed to be on the receiving end of it. You always have the choice and instead of thinking it'll change if you wait a little longer, love a little harder, or give a little more, use that common sense in your head and do whats best for YOU. It's not always the easy road and I can attest to that but think about it this way. The longer you stay in an unhealthy situation, the more damage you incur therefore the more costly (time spent) to repair what's been done. Also keeping in mind that somethings can't be undone.
Secondly, say or ask what's on your mind. Why hold all these questions in thinking you already know what they're going to say? Did you ever think that you might be WRONG. This is a lesson that was, for me, the hardest to learn which is surprising considering how outspoken I can be. I always hate the uncomfortable questions because I tend to fear the response not being in my favor. And I hate that even more. But the fact is, the truth is the truth and you can't get away from it so get it straight from the source. Once you know, you feel a lot better about yourself and your situation because you have a better idea of what's happening and what's next.
Don't make yourself into the know-it-all and later find out you were wrong. Sometimes the courage to ask or say the most uncomfortable prompts people to have to make a decision. This also levels the playing field so both parties involved know whats going on at that moment and what to expect. I think of it like this, I wouldn't let a surgeon operate on me in a dark room so why would I hand over my heart in one.
Third, don't sit around waiting on someone to become the person you want them to be. All you'll have to show for it is time spent. People need room to grow and sometimes what a person needs is for you to not crowd their space. Hell even the distance helps because they get to see how life is without you and if that's how they want to keep it. I have yet to see the monkey that stopped the show. So I say date multiple people (DO NOT HAVE SEX WITH MULTIPLE PEOPLE!) That way you're not sitting around waiting for the phone to ring and you're also giving yourself a chance to see what's out there. Hell the person you WANT the most might not be the person you NEED the most....who will turn into the person you want anyway. See keep your eyes and ears open while only opening your mouth enough to find out the information you need to make decisions. Funny thing when you shut up and listen, you learn things. People always want to share their story, so let them. They just might save you some valuable time.
Fourth, and I'm making this my last one for now for the purposes of length. Don't be afraid to start over. We spend time in situations that leave us heartbroken and confused. Then someone who might actually be decent comes around and our fear prevents us from giving them a fair chance. You miss out on a lot being afraid. Now I'm not saying be reckless and naive. Just be fearless and wise. You won't get it right all the time but that's why we try again. Those who fail over and over again eventually succeed. This is because they keep trying. They note where they went wrong the last time and make adjustments for the next time and eventually they get it right. Failure is apart of success and NO you can't just skip ahead to the succeeding part or else you won't know what to do with it.
In keeping number 4 in mind also be aware of your own faults. We all tend to think we're good women and good men but that doesn't make you perfect. And sometimes those imperfections are too much for someone else to bear. Yes, yes we all want to find someone to put up with our crap too but even that has its limits. So be prepared to make some changes and compromises within yourself because while imperfect you may be, you should also be tolerable.
That's all for now. Hope someone finds this helpful.
I LOVE THIS!!!!!!!!!!! GREAT BLOG!
ReplyDelete