Needed this today

Today I made the right decision to leave and go to church. I never needed to be somewhere so bad in my life. My heart was heavy from stress and so many other things and I just couldn't organize to get to began to resolve. I was in deep. I needed a release, some relief. As I sat in church I felt the pressure in my chest before service even began. I was a ticking time bomb and usually that would bother me even more but I felt safe in my surroundings. I felt comfort. The choir began to sing and I felt the joy the felt but it was when Pastor Kinloch came to the pulpit and began to pray is when the tears just fell down. They literally poured down my face. He spoke straight to my heart and while my problems still remain I just don't feel so burdened by them. I listened and took every word in as if it were the air I needed to breath. It was just what I needed to pull it together. Even though I think it was good I went to church alone today, I do wish I hadn't. What was said was not just for me and it needed to be heard, to be felt. It was such a universal presence in the building that one couldn't help but to leave feeling inspired, faithful, and hopeful. Whenever I come back to church, and I say this with regret for ever leaving in the first place, I wonder how I've been making it NOT being there. I WANT to be there and I need to be there. I'm a ticking time bomb just waiting to explode and somehow there is always something said or sung that defuses me. I hate that I carry so much around all the time but that's my life. I'm responsible for a lot of things and that means not being able to succumb to the stress of it. I don't have much room for weakness and even less room for failure. Because if I do its not just me that suffers. My story isn't unique but its my story nonetheless and I have to manage. I know it could be worse and I'm thankful its not, but that doesn't make it any less difficult. But the point I'm making is I was right were I needed to be today. My mood is better, my stress is down and I don't actually feel like complete crap today. I'm feeling good about the upcoming week and I think good things are going to happen. I actually don't have the headache I woke up with.