I haven't said anything in awhile and I feel its time I catch you up. A lot has taken place since the last time I spoke to you, some good and some not so good. Where to start is my dilemma.....I'll just start with my current situation.
Well I left the single life alone recently and while it wasn't that long ago it feels like its been ages. I feel like everything I've been through and every asshole I've encountered her just there to bide my time while I unknowingly waited for him. Strange when I think about it that way but honestly it makes me grateful that they existed or I may have missed him or he may have missed me. Life is funny the way it plays games. And I don't mean 'haha' or 'hehe' funny, more like ironically funny. Who would have thought this up? Honestly I think 1 person knew more than they'll ever admit too but I'm grateful nonetheless. I love him and there's not much else to say about that...and even when he drives me crazy I still miss him or want him near.
Strange to feel like this seeing as how I have problems with real emotion. Even now just typing about it I feel extra vulnerable and anyone who knows me KNOWS I don't like that at all! But with him its different. He doesn't let me keep my guard up, won't let me stay angry, or annoyed. And while it drives me insane, I love him for it.I love that he won't let either of us go to bed angry. Honestly, this seems quite perfect...I know we're not perfect by far but I think we just fit.
What's been a little scary for me about this whole thing is being totally open to someone again AND this reoccurring dream I KEEP having. While I know its not the case seeing as how I'm on BC it still doesn't stop this dream from freaking me the HELL out for fear of being someone else's 'baby mama'. I keep dreaming of Hannah Morgan McCloud. No matter what I do this little girl stays in my dreams. And its not that I don't want more children because I do. I just want the timing to be right and for both of us to want it and be ready. But let me tell you more about lil Ms. Hannah. She's freaking gorgeous, not that I doubted that at all LOL, but she reminds me so much of Taja with Ty's nose and lips. She showed me her face, her birth, and her 1st birthday! Whenever I dream about people I don't know or have yet to meet, I never see their actual face and that's what freaks me out the most about this. This dream is so real that I have to force myself to wake up to remind myself of my actual reality.
Man I'm all over the place with this. Not at all how I planned it to be but oh well. A lot has changed LOL...I guess the only thing I wish I could change is how long he stays on the video games! Now that is my damn pet peeve! I swear he spends more quality time with PS3 than me but I think I sound like every woman USA LMAO! So I guess I really have nothing to complain about...however that doesn't mean I like it! But I'm sure he has a pet peeve about me too so I remain quiet...honestly it might be how long it takes me to do laundry LOL...I HATE doing laundry but it must be done *sighs*...See now I'm just being random. I am bored and maybe tired so I'm going to leave this here for now so I can organize my thoughts and maybe make this make some damn sense.
I wrote this early this year but forgot about it. Its an old post.
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